What the Heck are Relationship Check Ins and Why are they Important?

Having a relationship checkup is a great way for couples to communicate, express themselves, and address any issues that may be happening in their relationship. Most couples find these check-ins beneficial because they provide a safe space to talk openly without feeling like they're walking on eggshells.

It's recommended to have a relationship check-in on a weekly basis, but if you're both busy, you can schedule them biweekly or monthly instead. If you and your partner are interested in starting relationship check-ins, here are some simple steps to get you started:

- Choose a regular day and time that works for both of you. Look at your schedules and find a consistent time that fits, like every Saturday at 10 am. Make sure to pick a time when you're both in a good mood and not rushed.
- Find a relaxing environment for your check-ins. Whether it's in your backyard with a cup of coffee or in the living room with the fireplace on, make sure it's a comfortable space for both of you. You can even have your check-ins during a meal if that works best for you. Don't forget to bring your favorite drink and snack to make it more enjoyable.
-Set a time limit for your check-in. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to how long you should meet for. It can range from 5 minutes to an hour, depending on what works best for both of you.
-Express gratitude and appreciation; remember, relationship check-ins don't have to be all about the negatives. Take this opportunity to show your partner how much you appreciate them and celebrate both small and big accomplishments.
-During the check-in, take turns asking each other questions. Ask anything that comes to mind, and make sure to answer honestly. This helps keep the conversation flowing and ensures both partners are engaged.
-At the end of the check-in, review what was discussed, any improvements that need to be made, and celebrate accomplishments. End on a positive note with expressions of love and support, even if things got a little tense during the conversation. Remember, it's important to end on a positive note and not dwell on negativity.

Relationship check-ins are crucial for a variety of reasons. Firstly, they help to keep a relationship on the right track by allowing each partner to address any issues before they escalate into arguments or conflicts. Secondly, they provide an opportunity for partners to spend more quality time together, which can easily be neglected when life gets busy. 

Additionally, relationship check-ins promote appreciation by encouraging partners to focus on the positive aspects of their relationship. This, in turn, helps each partner feel more valued, appreciated, and loved. Moreover, these check-ins help to build and maintain trust between partners by ensuring that issues and situations are not ignored or swept under the rug. Instead, partners can openly communicate and work together to improve any areas that may not be working.

Now, you might be wondering what kind of questions you should ask during your relationship check-ins. Well, here are some examples to get you started. Remember, you can ask whatever you want during these check-ins, so feel free to tailor the questions to suit your relationship and your needs.

• What’s something that’s really working in our relationship?

• What’s something that you want to focus on to help our relationship thrive?

• Is there anything from the last week / month that feels unresolved?

• Do you feel supported? Is there anything I can do to better support you?

• Is there anything you have been avoiding?

• Is there anything you would like to be acknowledged or appreciated for?

Finally, here are some tips for your relationship check-ins:

- Be curious and ask questions. If you need more information from your partner, ask follow-up questions.
- Practice active listening. Make sure you are truly hearing and understanding what your partner is saying. If you're unsure, ask for clarification.
- Keep these meetings private. No kids, family, friends, or neighbors allowed. It's just you two.
- Remember, these meetings are solely for discussing your relationship. Leave out talk about kids, chores, work, or school. This is your time to focus on each other.

If you and your partner need help with relationship check-ins or other tools, feel free to reach out to me for couples therapy. I'm here to help you both.